“I thought this would be a nice opportunity for us to have fun together and prove via Instagram that we can still have fun as a group. ” – Marnie
Marnie has a perfect getaway weekend planned for the girls. It’s going to be a time to vent and bond. But thanks to Hannah, things don’t go as planned.
We open with Marnie setting name cards and flowers in the bedrooms of a beach house worthy of a Nancy Meyers’ film.
It’s Marnie’s mother’s friend’s house, as we learn when Hannah, Shoshana, and Jessa arrive via bus from the city. Shosh says she can’t believe they’re in the Hamptons, and Marnie corrects her that it’s not the Hamptons, it’s the North Fork, for people who “think the Hamptons are tacky and don’t want to be on a beach that’s near a J. Crew.” Shosh perks up even more. “J. Crew?”
At the house, everyone charges inside and arguments commence over who gets what room, until Marnie says she went ahead and assigned the rooms.
With that settled, it’s everyone into the pool. Hannah is wearing a small green bikini, letting it all hang out. And she does not change out of this bikini for the entire episode. Everyone frolics and has fun. Later, on the beach, Hannah complains it’s like a monsoon is brewing. The sand is too shell-ridden to walk. Marnie, in the ocean, says she is having the time of her life and everyone should join her. Jessa declares, “I can’t go in open water unless I’m menstruating.”
Marnie: I thought this would be a nice opportunity for us to have fun together and prove via Instagram that we can still have fun as a group.
Hannah says they do have fun as a group and they don’t need a perfect weekend to prove it. Marnie says they have a lot of healing to do “at dinner.” After dinner, she has an exciting even planned: face masks, watching the Queen of Comedy, and writing wishes on paper to throw them into a bonfire so they will come true.
It’s time to grocery shop, so they ride bikes into town. Hannah is only wearing her bikini and no shoes, so she’s not allowed in the store. She stands on the street, looking into a shop window, giving a very unfortunate view to passersby. A group of gay men spot her and start laughing, until one of those men — Elijah — recognizes her. His friends drift away, giving them the chance to awkwardly talk. He apologizes: “I think about you all the time, what are you doing, and what’s wrong with her and what she’s eating and who she’s mad at…” Hannah says she misses him too and sometimes can’t even remember why she’s mad at him.
Elijah: Because I had sex with Marnie.
Hannah says she knows that. “And Marnie is acting like such a psychopathic nightmare.”
He says he can imagine. Marnie suggests that he and his friends come to the house. “It will save me from this hell.”
Elijah and the guys make themselves right at home. Marnie calls Hannah outside, and says she can not believe she invited them.
Hannah: What am I supposed to do Marnie? They kind of invited themselves. And anyway, we can not put that much pressure on our relationships. They’ll lighten to mood.
Hannah said besides, they’re theater people — your favorite breed. Elijah’s new boyfriend, Pal, is a theater publicist. “He did Kinky Boots. The whole viral marketing campaign!”
Later, in the kitchen, Marnie is making a salad while everyone is drinking on the deck. Elijah apologizes to her. He says he hopes they can be friends. He’s on love, and he’s changed. “I know it sounds stupid, but he’s been taking me to Kabbalah classes.” He tells her he hasn’t told Pal yet that he’s in love with him, but he will.
Cut to: Hannah talking to Pal, saying she’s really happy for him and Elijah. Pal says, “Yeah, he’s great.” He says, with less enthusiasm than one would expect. He adds, “I don’t know what the f*ck he does with his days.” Pal tells Hannah she reminds him of his friend, and the more he elaborates on why she reminds him of her, the more it’s obviously not a compliment. The kicker is when Elijah shows up and Pal says, “Doesn’t Hannah remind you of crazy *ss Sadie?” Elijah says, “Sadie is fat as sh*t.” Hannah adjusts her bikini.
Marnie tells Elijah the full story of what happened the night she and Charlie broke up: He called and said he wanted to propose to her, but that they needed to talk about some stuff first. She makes pizza and waits for him to show up. Finally, at ten, he walks into the apartment with a friend from work, doesn’t say a word to her, “and starts packing up his things.”
Marnie: “Finally, he gets to the door, he’s about to walk out, and looks me right in the eyes, and he says, I don’t love you. And I’ve never loved you.”
She says anyway, his business went under and he’s working as a carpenter or something. Elijah says he always hated him.
One of the theater guys starts doing a dance and Marnie thinks it’s amazing. He teaches the dance to everyone. Hannah, still in the bikini.
Cut to Hannah and Marnie in the bedroom talking. Hannah says their friendship was a casualty of her needing space because her parents smothered her. She admits she was dreading the weekend, but now thinks it will be the best one of the summer.
Everyone is in the pool. It’s dark outside. Pal is being condescending towards Elijah, telling everyone he didn’t know what “inertia” meant. Jessa comes on to one of the guys, telling him he looks like someone Mapplethorpe would have photographed. “I have no idea who that is,” the guy says.
Hannah tells Elijah she doesn’t like how Pal talks to him. “It’s not respectful.” He says he doesn’t want to break up with him over it. She says she’s not telling him to break up with him over it, but talk to him about it.
Marnie comes out of the house and calls Hannah out of the pool. “It’s dinner time,” Marnie says.
Hannah: “Okay, so I’ll get everyone out of the pool.”
Marnie: “No no. It’s dinner time for us.”
Hannah says she’s not going to kick everyone out, that it would be “really weird and rude.” Marnie says she thought they were only staying until dinner. She says dinner time is for the four of them “to heal.”
Hannah: “We already did our healing. Earlier.”
She turns to the pool, “Guys — dinner!”
Marnie mutters, “Cool. That’s classy.”
All the guys run naked into the house.
At the dinner table, Elijah holds up his plate with the paltry serving of food, “What is this, the Zone diet?” Marnie says she got four duck breasts for four people. Shosh says she doesn’t like duck.
Elijah: Nobody likes duck.
After dinner, everyone does a choreographed dance. Hannah is still in green bikini. They finish the dance, everyone is happy — except Marnie. “I think we can do it one more time we can get it really, really perfect.” Hannah says, “We’re not trying to make it to Broadway.” She says things don’t have to be perfect.
Marnie: “I know. But if they can’t be perfect, maybe they can be as close to perfect as possible. Like when you have a dinner for four. Maybe you could have a perfect dinner for four people to really enjoy properly.”
Hannah can’t believe she’s mad at her for letting the guys stay for dinner. One of the guys chimes in, “Wait — that was dinner?” Elijah suggests they Google map a Domino’s Pizza.
Marnie says this was supposed to be their time for honesty, “But then you had to go invite the cast of Magic Mike.”
Hannah doesn’t feel like being honest. Shosh says being honest is “fun.”
Hannah: (annoyed) “What are you talking about, Shosh?”
Shosh: “I’m taking about the fact that you’re a f*cking narcissist. I’ve never met anyone else who thinks their own life is so fascinating. I wanted to fall asleep in my own vomit all day listening to you talk about how you bruise more easily than other people.”
Marnie says she wanted to do this at dinner. Shosh says enough with the talk about dinner. “Seriously that duck tasted like a used condom and I want to forget about it.”
And she doesn’t stop there.
Shosh says they treat her like she’s a cab driver. “You have entire conversations in front of me like I’m invisible.” She says maybe her social anxiety is holding her back from meeting people who would be right for her, instead of a bunch of “whiny nothings” as friends.
By this time, the guys have all discreetly slipped out of the room. Hannah says maybe Shosh has a point – the four of them haven’t actually had fun together in two years.
Jessa says Shosh is a “cruel drunk.”
Hannah: “She’s a cruel drunk, and she’s also not an intellectual.” She says when she’s around her, she feels like her brain is going to atrophy. “I would call you a little un-stimulating.”
Marnie: “When did we start with all the name-calling?”
Shosh says it started with Marnie’s “honesty.” She goes on to say that Marnie “is tortured by self-doubt and fear. And it is not pleasant to be around.”
Marnie says that is mean, and Hannah agrees with her. Shosh says she is sick of all of them. (Aren’t we all, at this point?)
Hannah storms off, saying she really misses her boyfriend, “Who asks me for nothing, so I give him everything.”
Elijah and Pal are talking. Elijah says he wants him to be more respectful. Pal asks, “When have I ever been disrespectful.” Elijah starts backing down, saying it was just something Hannah had noticed. Pal says, “Are you kidding me? That’s the most ridiculous girl I’ve met in my entire life.” Elijah says he just wants to feel comfortable around him because “I love you.” Pal is very surprised. Elijah looks happy and hopeful, but Pal says he can’t give him what he wants and maybe they shouldn’t do this anymore. Elijah says forget it and starts kissing him.
In the morning, Hannah is still in her bikini but now has a sweatshirt on. The girls are in the kitchen, making breakfast and not speaking.
At the end, they are sitting outside waiting for the bus to go back to the city. Still not speaking. Wordlessly, Hannah starts doing pieces of the choreograph from last night’s dance. The others slowly join in.
So…I guess the take-away is that they’re still friends — no harm, no foul? Do we even root for them to still be friends at this point? Shosh’s line about needing to go out and find more like-minded people was the only sensible thing anyone said the entire episode. And I suppose that Hannah’s “let it all hang out” attitude towards her body is supposed to be empowering for women of all shapes and sizes. But it actually makes me feel inadequate knowing that I would never, ever run around town in just a bikini. I would never dance around in a bikini in front of a bunch of strangers. Seeing her cellulite does not make me relate to her more. It makes me relate to her less.
Remember how Seinfeld was a show about nothing, and that was a good thing? Well Girls is now a show with people who care about nothing – except themselves. And that’s a bad thing.