The premise of the show is that the entire season takes place over the course of one night. “This is the story of ten strangers, one night, and all of the embarrassing, ridiculous things we do to find love.”
We start with Tom. Tom is your typical nice guy nursing a broken heart. His friends Bruce and Cal have him out at a trendy bar in New York City to get back on his feet. His friend tells him it’s so easy to get a woman to sleep with you: “Sex and the City changed the game, my friend.”
At first, one of Tom’s friend suggests a woman wearing flats, but the other friend says no way, “Women who wear flats are never trying to [have sex].” He says the rule is, The higher the heels, the looser she feels.” They spot a beautiful woman at the bar, and Tom sets out to talk to her. We don’t realize that it’s a suicide mission until we get both of their back stories:
Tom’s dad left when he was a kid, turning him into a people-pleaser (or, to be more specific, a woman-pleaser.) He had one serious girlfriend in college, Laura, and after graduation they moved into a “super white” section of Brooklyn. They got engaged, but one day she broke up with him, telling him “Everything about you repulses me. You look like a beaver.”
Maya’s upbringing made her the opposite of a people-pleaser: She was born in a pick-up truck to trashy parents, including a father who hated girls. He raised her “like a son,” and as a result she’s tough as nails and learned that being aggressive and mean gets her everything. “Maya loved conflict and hated people, so naturally she became a lawyer.” She works for the biggest sports law firm in the country. Cut to: Maya is in her office and her colleague tells her that NFL star Keyshawn Johnson is in the office.
Maya: Is he still hot?
colleague: No, no, no. Don’t do this again. No more dating pro athletes.
Maya: I have to date pro athletes. They’er the only real men left.
She says she’s also done dating white guys. “They’re all too soft.”
Her colleague makes her swear she won’t date Keyshawn Johnson.
Cut to: Maya in a gorgeous, ultra modern apartment calling out, “Keyshawn? Did you call the guy about the plumbing?” Keyshawn is carrying a laundry basket and finds strange male underwerar. Maya says they’ve been dating a couple of months of course she’s sleeping with other people — isnt he? Keyshawn cries and tells her she’s teh biggest b*tch he’s ever met.
Back to the bar: Tom is telling Maya she seems like a very nice lady. Pretty soon, she eviscerates him in conversation. She tells him to stop being the nice guy, that’s why his fiance dumped him. He thanks her for the advice and asks for her number. She’s like, are you kidding me? Then she gives it to him just for trying. When her colleague shows up and Maya tells her about the exchange, her colleague says it’s the first time she’s ever done something for someone else.
Meanwhile, we also meet Jessica, who is at the bar waiting for her date to show up. While she waits, she tells her sister, “I’m the oldest person in here by a decade. I feel like Helen Mirren.” She orders a drink from waitress, Kasey, who then walks behind the bar and informs the bartender she’s breaking up with him. She expects him to freak out, but he clearly couldn’t care less.
Back to Jessica: She tells her sister, “I’ve got three years left to find a guy who maybe has a job, will deal with my kids, and is crazy enough to marry me.” Her date, Ron, walks in. He’s blonde and gorgeous and has a sexy British accent. And he immediately grabs her purse and pukes into it. He says he’s sorry, he’s drunk. He lost his internet company today and has lost about 17 million dollars since breakfast. Jessica is like yeah, nice meeting you. On parting, he asks if she has a breath mint. She said yeah, in my bag.
Kacey the cocktail waitress goes into the back office and talks to the bartender/manager she just “broke up with,” and realizes that he doesn’t even know her name.
In the end, Tom is pleased with himself for getting Maya’s number, Maya did something almost human, Jessica is in the bathroom trying to clean off her purse, and Kacey is having sex with Dominic in the back office.
The voice over comes on, reminding us again that this is the story of one night…and that “the night has just begun.”
This show clearly aspires to the greatness of the first seasons of How I Met Your Mother. It’s too early to tell if it can get there, but I’m so disappointed with HIMYM at this point, I’m also looking for a new “love.” I can’t tell if this show is funny, or if I have sitcom beer goggles.