We’re back in the current time, with the plot having resumed immediately where it left off after episode four (since episode five was the flashback to Vanessa’s back-story), and Sir Malcolm and Vanessa are arguing about her ability to find out additional information regarding their supernatural foes. She decides to read tarot cards to get information, which only results in a painting screaming at her and a vague impression of something bad having happened on a ship.
Ethan, meanwhile, does the walk of shame home to Brona after his tryst with Dorian. She apologizes to him for running off from their theater date, and he leaves out some key details of his evening before pledging his undying love to her.
Ethan’s not the only one with apologies at hand. Dorian turns up on Sir Malcolm and Vanessa’s doorstep to apologize to Vanessa about the night before as well. He’s got no shame going on whatsoever, but also neglects to mention the romp with Ethan, mainly because he’s here to ask her out. After some reluctance, she agrees to go on an adventure with him immediately.
Victor, as is his wont, spends an afternoon with a corpse. He’s autopsying Basement Boy, but that turns up nothing interesting.
In fact, even Caliban is getting more action than Victor. The pretty actress he’s shown obvious attraction to goes into his backstage lair to ask him to fix her clogged blood hose. They chat, and she reveals that she has a brother who was burned in a fire, who turns away in the same manner as Caliban. She says that she wishes he wouldn’t. This gives him hope regarding her, mainly because he’s not as freaked out as the audience that the brother is named Lucifer.
Caliban responds to her kindness by leaving a gift of a book in her dressing room. He watches creepily from behind a grating as she opens it. She seems pleased, but is interrupted by her fiancés. Caliban, unbeknownst to them, seethes.
As Sir Malcolm tries to locate the plague ship of Vanessa’s incredibly inexact vision, his butler, who clearly has a back-story we’re still not getting, expresses his concerns as to whether he is capable of recognizing if Mina is beyond his ability to save. Sir Malcolm insists he will be able to save her no matter what.
At the conclusion of Vanessa’s lunch date with Dorian, Vanessa in turn asks him out to dinner. Predictably, clears his calendar for her. She changes into a low-cut evening dress for the occasion and asks Sir Malcolm if the neckline is too much, but he highly approves, which is entirely creepy in light of the events of episode five, what with the stolen-identity demon sex.
While Vanessa is on her soon to be hot date (they go to a nice restaurant first), Victor and Van Helsing bond over their suffering in life. Van Helsing reveals the existence of vampires to Victor by way of critiquing the value of penny dreadful literature, in a lovely moment of Explaining the Title of the Show.
Malcolm, Ethan, and the butler are also having a night on the town, but theirs involves visiting the now located plague ship, wherein they find lots of dead bodies, and, of course, a bunch of vampires. Most of them have long blonde hair, so Malcolm is frantic that one of them is his daughter. In the shootout that ensues — Ethan, it seems, never needs to reload — a fire starts on board the ship. Just as Sir Malcolm, Ethan, and the butler have to flee, Sir Malcolm sees Mina in the clutches of a master vampire, but has no way to rescue her.
Also beyond rescue is Van Helsing, who Caliban grabs while he is mid-conversation with Victor. He drags him down an alley and snaps his neck before informing Victor not to hope, as he tried it once and it was awful (yes, Caliban is possibly Grumpy Cat). Victor, really, really needs to get Caliban a girlfriend or else Caliban is going to kill everyone Victor has ever loved.
Meanwhile, Vanessa and Dorian have sex. Her lingerie is fantastic. Even after he tries to cut it off her with a knife, it is still fantastic. She then takes the knife and uses it on his skin, before getting really into licking the blood. Dorian is also having a grand time, until suddenly time freezes for her and she hears a voice say, “Hello, my child, I have been waiting.”
This ruins the mood, and she climbs off Dorian and hurries out. He is, to say the least, disappointed, but consoles himself by going to look at his painting which results in the wounds she left on him healing.
When Vanessa arrives home, looking extremely bedraggled, Sir Malcolm is about to offer some commentary, but then her head snaps back, she floats up in the air and starts twirling around Exorcist-style. And really, what can anyone say to that?
Apparently, we’ll have to watch episode seven to find out.