Kanye wants everyone in San Francisco for Kim’s birthday. “Don’t you wonder what it’s for?” ask Khloe. Um, no. I’ve seen the previews.
Kim tells BFF Jonathan Chabon she has saved all the magazine covers from the week she gave birth (don’t we all?). “I was huge,” she proclaims. They discuss how cute the baby is. “Her passport is so cute.” Of course, we must take her word for it, because they never show the baby on camera.
Kim has taken over Kris’s closet.
Kim goes to Kourtney’s house and criticizes her extreme wallpapering. Kourtney tells the camera that Kim’s judgments of the family are getting out of hand. Cut to a montage of clips showing Kim criticizing everyone: Bruce’s ponytail, Kourtney’s crochet bikini, Kourtney’s hat. You get the picture. “Maybe she’s hormonal,” Kourtney decides.
Khloe is driving in the car with Kourtney, and is one the phone with Lamar. He tells her he’s heading for the East Coast. She says since they are still technically married, they should discuss that. She says she’ll call him back. After the call, she tells Kourtney he’s not allowed to leave town (because of drunk driving case pending?).
At the Jenner house, Kris complains to Kendall that Kim has been in her bathroom all morning having her make-up done, and now she is having a meeting at the dining room table. “I can’t even find a place to have any privacy or talk on the phone.” The Queen of camera time says this with a straight face. Kendall has no sympathy for her. “You agreed to all this.”
Khloe is at Kourtney’s house discussing Lamar. She tells her sisters that Lamar is back hanging with his shady friend Jamie. They ask her what she’s going to do, and she says she doesn’t know what to do. Kim says she’s going to have to make that decision on her own, “but do you want to stay married to someone where you don’t even know where they are? For two years you’ve been living like this.” Khloe says she wishes she didn’t have to end it. This is not the life she wanted to live, and that it’s awkward to do something so serious and say “I’m having a divorce and he doesn’t get it.” To the camera, she says, “I will always love Lamar. I wish that we could live that perfect life that we once had. It’s not that easy. He just wants to run from his problems. And I get frustrated because I feel like I’ve tried to put the pieces back together all on my own.” She tells her sisters she can’t stay in this limbo.
Kendall, Scott, Mason, Kourtney, and Khloe are having dinner at Ruth’s Chris steakhouse. Khloe asks Kendall how it is living with Kim. “I’m, like, so annoyed,” says Kendall. Khloe agrees that she’s on her last nerve. “All she does is critique what I’m wearing and what I look like.” They decide they are giving her the code name “Fancy Nancy” aka Nancy from now on.
Kim is in the nursery showing her sisters the outfit for the baby that Stella McCartney sent. Kourtney and Khloe talk about how annoying “Nancy” is. Kim asks, who is this Nancy person?
Kim has contractor at Kris’s house changing door handles and locks on doors. Kris sees this going on, and tells Kim to send him back to the house that he should be working on for her. “How much longer are you going to be here?” Kim says “Eight months.” Kris says, “This was supposed to be six weeks.”
The other sisters finally tell Kim that she’s Nancy, and her feelings are hurt.
Kris goes to Kim’s house to see if she can get the contractor to move faster. Khloe’s along for the ride. Driving up to the house, Kris notes that it doesn’t look any different than the last time she was there. No walls, and they are adding more rooms. A contractor tells Kris it’s going to take a while because they are taking a traditional house and turning it into a contemporary, “within its own footprint.” Kris realizes it’s not going to be ready for a very long time.
Back at her house, Kris is confronted by Kim: “Did you call my contractor behind my back?” (Well, she didn’t a little more than call. But apparently Kris isn’t completely busted)
Kris: “I just want to see if we can move this train along because it seems to be taking a really long time.”
Kim: “There’s nothing we can do to make it go any quicker.”
Kris says yeah, there’s one thing you can do: stop making changes to the house. Kris tells her to get it in a condition she can move in and then finish it while she’s living there like other people do. Kris tells her that she’s acting like this is her house and Kris is her houseguest. Kim says if she wants her to go, they’ll go. Kris says it’s not that she doesn’t want her there, but it has to be on her terms. Kim realizes she needs to stop criticizing everyone in her family and telling them how to do things.
Kris gets a call that Kanye wants to throw a massive surprise party for in San Francisco for Kim’s birthday in a few days. (He’s been away on a concert tour and will be in San Francisco next). Whatever he had planned for Kim is going to be “big and over the top” and they need Kris’s help getting everyone there. Kris tells the camera that “there is more to this story and she’s going to get to the bottom of it.” She calls Khloe and tells her the news. She seems less than thrilled.
Kim goes to Kourtney’s and apologizes for being critical. Kourtney realizes that she should know what it’s like to be a new mother (??) and should have empathized more and not gang up on her with the other sisters.
Khloe tells Kourtney about the surprise party, and that they have to wear black tie. “Don’t you wonder what it’s for?” She asks. No, Kourtney doesn’t. Khloe tells the camera, “In my gut, I know something big is about to happen.” Khloe thinks it’s a proposal, “Something maj.”
Tune in tonight to find out.