I Wanna Marry Harry is No More

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of reality TV, it was the end of I Wanna Marry Harry. You may have heard the news that Fox pulled the show about a faux prince and his gaggle of girls after four episodes. I learned of it last night. I asked my boyfriend to set the DVR and he kept saying, “I don’t see it. Which channel?” He couldn’t find it, so I looked it up online and learned it was a goner. This is and isn’t surprising. Yes, it is a ridiculous show based on a ludicrous concept, but no more than any other reality TV show. Some shows inexplicably rise to the top, while others lose viewers with every episode. It was worth a shot … Continued


Good day Guvna. This week we find ourselves in the throes of cat fights and early exits, so let’s get to it. Karina wakes up in paradise, also known as the crown suite. It’s a lovely morning and the fear of being eliminated has been forgotten—for now. She receives a note inviting her to breakfast in the English heartthrob’s room. Prior to her entry, a smokescreen has been placed in the form of a Photoshopped image of Matt (the man currently known as Harry) and Prince William. While sipping tea, Karina spots the bait. “Is that who I think it is?” She asserts, “I knew it!” Harry the Imposter confirms that the man in the photo is his brother. Then breakfast is over. Wait, that’s it? Karina gets one measly breakfast date. What about a … Continued


Our story begins with Kimberly, last week’s crown suite winner, sleeping soundly in her private chambers. Kingsley wakes her up bright and early for her day date with Mr. Doppelganger. Sir, Kingsley’s pet name for the man of the show, escorts her to a hot air balloon. Not just any hot air balloon—one with the British flag on it! Lest we forget what country we’re in. Kimberly is beside herself at the gesture, saying, “This is the nicest thing a guy has ever done for me.” As if he inflated the balloon himself. Back at the estate, the sun is up and Jackie regrets calling Anna Lisa and Meghan the “mean girls.” Meghan has no misgivings about last episode’s quarrel and dubs her sworn enemy “Tacky Jackie.” On a personal note, Meghan’s ombre is out … Continued


Hello old chums. Last night we found our artificial prince and the first crown suite princess, Rose, the morning after the premier episode. Fake Harry sneaks up on her while she’s brushing her teeth donning a towel on her head. Once caught, she says, “I feel like a ding dong.” Rose, honey, it is he who should have knocked and please refrain from using the expression ding dong. The pair enjoy an intimate breakfast “…in the fresh light of day without our masks on,” the Not Prince observes. Feeling brave, Rose gets right to the point, “You’re a dead ringer for Prince Harry!” He plays coy and confesses to the camera that he needs to plant a few more seeds before revealing his name. No word yet on which name he will reveal. The date … Continued


The obsession with all things British has infiltrated reality TV. During last night’s premiere of I Want to Marry Harry, we met Matt Hicks—a 23-year-old who has been told he looks like Prince Harry most of his life but who actually spends his days cleaning up oil spills—as well as the 12 women hoping to be courted by him. The flock of females enter an old English Manor, not knowing who they’re going to meet, and start speculating immediately. One woman draws on the context clues and exclaims, “I think he’s British!” Before the doppelganger—who does bear a strong resemblance to Harry—can start wooing the women, he needs a crash course in being fourth in line to the British throne. A butler named Kingsley quizzes him on his birthday and ancestry between fencing and polo lessons. … Continued