I’ll admit I was a RHONY virgin before watching the Season 6 premiere this week (and I’m aware the word virgin doesn’t belong anywhere near the words Real Housewives of New York). I tuned in mostly because I’m a fan of Carole Radziwill’s books — her poignant memoir What Remains, and more recently her debut novel The Widows Guide to Sex and Dating. So I was excited when the show opened with Carole getting made up for her author photo shoot.
Fellow housewife Heather is along for support. Carole hates getting her photo taken. To get her mind off of it, Heather asks about Russ — her ex-boyfriend? From what Carole says it seems the break-up wasn’t amicable. She tells the camera, “I wish I was the type of girl who likes to have sex with a whole bunch of different guys, but I’m not. I’m holding out for a hero.” Good for you, Carole! Photo taking commences, and Carole is sitting on a white couch by a picture window, wearing perfect jeans and a reddish (rust colored?) leather jacket. Heather tries to tell Carole how to pose and the photographer basically tells her to shut up. Heather tells the camera “In the past I’ve had a hard time keeping my opinions to myself.” Clearly. The photographer has to tell her to sit down and leave them alone.
Next, we’re at Sonja’s fancy Upper East Side apartment. Ramona drops by. They discuss haircuts. They seemed over-caffeinated. Sonja is apparently hitting the dating scene hard, and announces, “Now I’m going below thirty-years-old.” Ramona tells the camera that Sonja always has a lot of men “coming and going, and I think now she has more men coming than going.” Hmmm.
Aviva calls Carole but she’s still at the photo shoot and doesn’t take the call. She needs to keep “good energy.” She tells the camera that last year she saw a side of Aviva that she didn’t like when she freaked out at Carole’s book party, and that since then she’s been distancing herself. Heather is having a party that night, so everyone wonders if more drama will ensue. Ramona tells the camera that if Aviva is at the party, she’s “not engaging with her at all.” Sonja and Aviva’s ex-husband Harry have some sort of thing going on. Ramona says she thinks Harry’s in love with Sonja, but “he doesn’t want to buy the cow when he gets the milk for free.”
It’s Heather’s birthday party at a trendy bar. Heather used to work at Bad Boy Entertainment, and some of her former co-workers arrive at the party. Sonja shows up with her hot boy toy (boyfriend?) Ben. She says age is just a number, “I went from 80 to 20 in six seconds because my ex is in her 80s and Ben is in his 20s.”
Heather declares that her music industry days were “the funnest times.” Carole agrees that Puff Daddy is the “chicest guy.” When Heather meets Ben, she tells the camera that Sonja has as many men as she does interns, “And some of them are the same age.” Meow.
A super gorgeous blonde woman walks in, and introduces herself to Boy Toy Benjamin. Her name is Kristen, and she immediately gets the attention of the other ladies. Sonja, on high alert, asks Ramona who is that woman talking to Ben? “Kristen. Wife of Josh. She’s cool.” Josh Taekman is a former co-worker of Heather’s.
Cut to a montage of Kristen modelling. She says everyone thinks she’s from California because she has blonde hair (???) but actually she’s from Connecticut. She has two kids, Cash age 5 and a seventeen month year old daughter named Kingsley. “I have a nanny so I can be as fabulous as I need to be.” Ugh. She says her husband Josh is an entrepreneur. His current project is called eboost. “We’re a team,” she says. She complains about how hard it is to deal with her kids. She’s been married eight years. “It’s a running joke between Josh and I that I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed. But I’m pretty. I get away with a lot.”
Back to the party. Sonja is working the double entendres with Ben and Kristen. Sonja yes, “What can I say? Big Ben? He’s the big to my bang.”
Trouble is on the way: Aviva and Reid are in the car. She says she is curious what Ramona is going to do, because they are not on good terms.
At the party, Ramona and Sonja are telling Kristen that Aviva was nice in the beginning then turned on them. “Just tell me you are who you are,” Romana says to her. Kristen tells the camera, “These two are hilarious! They’re like my crazy drunk aunts.”
Aviva walks into the bar and fake, awkward greetings commence all around. Aviva tells Kristen that she’s “Intimidatingly beautiful.”(As if she needs to hear this. ) Kristen replies that she loves that they have a “blonde mafia thing going on.”
Aviva asks Sonja, “How’s my ex-husband.” Sonja tells the camera, “Could she keep it down a little? I have Ben here, and I don’t need her talking about Harry who is ‘after eleven and leave by seven’.” But Sonja decides she is going to give Aviva another chance. Aviva says she’s going to patch things up with Ramona and Sonja’s like, good luck with that.
Enter Amanda Sanders, an image consultant. Finally, a brunette! The ladies all start talking, and Aviva tells Carole she’s writing a memoir and asks Carole if she’ll help edit it. Carole tells the camera, “It’s so typical of Aviva to launch right into how can you help me?”
On the other hand, Carole really like Kristen: “She’s tall and pretty and weird.” A “hat trick” for her.
Aviva goes over to Ramona and tells her that she misses her. “I want to give you a hug if you’ll receive it.” Ramona says she’s not ready for a hug. Aviva gives this bizarre little speech implying that because Ramona is older, she should “show her the way.” Ramona tells her that she finds her insincere, and at her worst “vicious and mean-spirited.” I guess that’s a no.
It’s a new night, and Kristen is waiting for Josh at a Tapas restaurant. She’s angry that he’s late. She scolds him that “work comes and goes but she’s supposed to be forever.” They argue. Then they talk about how great life was before their kids. She promises him sexual favors if he can be early for once. He gives her diamond earrings. She’s happy not as shocked and thrilled as most women would be to get huge diamond earrings.
Sonja is hosting an elaborate tea party organized by her bevy of assistants. She tells the ladies that Aviva called asking to meet for a drink. After some debate, she ends up going out with Aviva for cocktails. After a few shots of tequila, all is well between them.
I have to admit, after one episode, I’m hooked. It’s a whole bunch of crazy, and these one-liners will keep me coming back for more. Check back next Wednesday for a discussion of episode two. And if you’ve watched previous seasons, please post about the best moments I’ve missed.